Blog Features ~ New Etsy Store ~ Christmas in July ~ A Contest, oh My!

1. Caroline Ghetes - I am not entering my own contest, but I did want to say a funny quote by Demetri Martin: "If you have a pear shaped body, you should not wear pear colored clothes, or act juicy."
2. Sandy Camen - "Do as I say, not as I do" This might not be funny to some people, but growing up in a Romanian Pentecostal family we were always taught to eat everything off of our plates and clean up after ourselves at all times, because our life and home are a great blessing, and nothing should be taken for granted...This is my story... When we were kids, my dad would always tell us were were like "porci" (pigs) leaving clothes everywhere, and not cleaning up after eating and leaving a mess here and there. One day I was doing laundry and out of a shirt pocket fell a dried up chicken bone. I went in the kitchen to tell my dad what I found in the laundry. Before I could explain the rest of my story to him, he sat down all the kids at the kitchen table to give us a lecture about how disgusting that was. He said we were unable to leave the table, until we confessed whose dried up chicken bone was in the laundry. After 15 minutes of silence, I finally had the courage to say, "Dad, it fell out of your shirt pocket." We all had a good 2 hour laugh after that. It still gets me every time I think about it. Good times. "Do as I say, not as I do" is the quote that sums up this whole story.. I hope you enjoyed it!
3. Claudia M. - So my husband is currently obsessed with milk shakes, I don't if it's this crazy arizona heat or whatever but has like a milk shake a day.. About a week ago, one of the reality shows I watch had this on their show http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2xKKYwo6fc I rewinded it and watched it like 3 times the night it was on and by the time it was done my stomach hurt from laughing so much. I know milk shakes might not be so funny to everyone but after watching that, everytime my husband gets a milk shake I can't help but laugh. I just associate milk shakes with that song and crazy dance... LOL Enjoy!
4. Flory - (I got this in an e-mail so maybe you've heard it before.) This man was watching his toddler daughter who was playing with a new tea set. She would fill up the little cups with water and come to him saying "tea for daddy". He drank the tea, thanked her and she would run off only to return a few minutes later with another cup of "tea". When the mom came home her husband said "watch this". Soon the little girl reappeared with "tea for daddy". "Isn't that so cute?" the dad said. "Sure..." the mom replied. "But you do realize that the only water she can reach in the house is from the toilet."
5. Hilda Popescu - I don't live in/near AZ or SC, but I wanted to share a funny story. A family friend told me about how she would always take the kids to the bathroom when needed because the husband refused to. One day the husband had no choice and had to take their child to a public restroom. Well they do their business and the child says with a loud voice, "Daddy do it harder"....then he heard snickering... The child meant to wipe harder because that's how Mommy always did it and face it, guys are pansies who get disgusted easily...lol
6. Andrew - one day a a family with some kids were spending the day together. one of the kids slipped away and the parents not thinking about it went along with their day. when the dad went to check on the missing child he found him going through the medicine cabinet. the child consumed one of his medications and lets just say.... natural male enhancment works for kids too!!!!
7. Caroline Ghetes - These are hilarious, y'all! Keep 'em comin' ; )
8. Tracie - So I was watching my friends kids and his son who is 3 continued to go to the restroom with the door open and his sister kept screaming at him to close the door. So he goes to the bathroom after that and locks himself in the bathroom. He starts scream help me help me I need help. So I go to the bathroom door and I ask him how did this happen. He says well I do need my privacy. Just when we were about to take the handle off he opens the door and says well i'm glad I got that done. He keeps me laughing!
9. diana - i thought this was funny. sorry for the length. :) Two mates loaded up Jack’s mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. “I realize it’s terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I’m recently widowed” she explained. ‘I’m afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house’. “Don’t worry,” Jack said. “We’ll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we’ll be gone at first light.” The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from a Lawyer. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the Lawyer of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked: “Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North?”. “Yes, I do.” “Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?” “Yes,” Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. “I have to admit that I did.” “And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?” Bob’s face turned red and he said, “Yeah, sorry, buddy. I’m afraid I did. Why do you ask?” “She just died and left me everything.”
10. Roxy - I just recently went to California with a girls choir and I was talking to one of the younger moms about kids. She told me she heard of a "kid" (i argue that it's her kid :D) that was probably about 3 or 4. I guess he ate something that didn't sit too well with his stomach. Well he ended up having a bad case of diarrhea. He didn't know how to explain to his mom what had just happened to him because it wasn't like a normal bathroom experience. It was his first case of the runs after all! So he runs to his mom freaking out and crying and says, "MOM, my butt just threw up!" Hahaha I can't believe the things kids come up with to describe new experiences!
11. Gretchen - This is the perfect contest for me because a) I LOVE to laugh and b) I'm convinced I'm one of the reasons Urban Legends exist because I have some of the most outrageous stories...many of which probably aren't the most appropriate to share on this blog so...I'll simply add something basic but funny (please try to visualize). I was always really big on celebrating my birthday with as many friends around me as possible and I always wanted them to make a big deal about it...dressing up, going to a nice dinner, etc. On my 22nd birthday (senior year of college), I had everyone meet at my house (a broken down rental located in the "student hood") and "dress up nice" for the big night out for dinner at none other than Olive Garden (hey...it was college - we were broke!) I sported what I thought was a fabulous outfit of a flowing, oversized silk shirt and velvet wide-leg pants with some seriously high heels (it was the mid-90s). I made everyone gather at the foot of the stairs to make my grand entrance. I came into sight and as I started cascading down the stairs, I decided to sing the Miss America song - you know, an added touch for my fabulous self. I was three stairs from the bottom, and as I started with the second verse I got as far as "....Miss Americ..." before my fabulous heel caught in the hem of my fabulous pants and I fell down the rest of the stairs and smashed my face straight into the wall at the bottom - a slight bloody nose was quick to follow as I lay on the ground looking at the feet of all of my friends. They were so shocked, nobody knew quite what to say. That only lasted so long before the roar of laughter broke out. :( We still talk about it quite frequently to this day.
12. Amy Fameli - I know I am too late considering EST but ill still share :)I think this is where im supposed to post it? Anyway... To set the story: Within the past 6 months my older sister Erin and her Husband have been having to short sell their house because life has changed in their finances and they cant keep it. So the best thing they can do is short-sell it...in this economy. Next on their news is the fact that my sister is pregnant with her first baby! Its pretty great :) Just last weekend I went to my first "wake" or sometimes called a "viewing." I was pretty nervous becuase I have never seen a dead body and the idea was not very appealing. We showed up at the viewing and the first person to great us is my 6 year old cousin Ashlee. She said hello to everyone and then tugged on my side and quietly asked me "did you see the dead guy?" Trying to stifle my laughs at her blunt question I said "no I havent quite yet." This is simply to show that my young oblivious cousin doesnt think twice before speaking. On a lighter note my sister said "Look Ashlee (pointing to her stomach) there is a baby in there!" and Rolling her eyes she did the "woopy" swoosh with her finger and as she smiled she said "You may be pregnant but you are stupid and crazy cuz youre losing your house." and then nonchalantly walked back to sit next to me and with a great big smile whispered "I heard that from Mimi" (our grandmother). hahaha. OMG!!! I cant believe she said that! ENJOY :)
13. Zanlea - One day I was trying to teach my boys (4 and 2 at the time) how they are boys and I am a girl. My two year old started crying and said "You're not a girl, you're mommy!"

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